Pride and Pena

I recently read some posts that I particularly liked, so I'm sharing them with you.

The first is a NPR post that links to tons of book lists in honor of World Book Day, which is the best day anyone could ask for. I just finished The Darkest Part of the Forest by Holly Black yesterday, and Abaddon's Gate by James S.A. Corey today, and loved them both. The Obamas announced the Let Girls Learn initiative in honor of International Women's Day, but I think it's fitting for World Book Day as well. I learned as much from books as I have from life, and not just the non-fiction ones; often authors can tackle emotions better than conversation can.

This is from a few years ago, but it is so awesome. Click it for the interactive map.

One is advice to new PCVs about what to remember as you serve in a developing country. It felt right on point, and especially as Peace Corps is focusing more on the experience of the PCV and how it will look on a resumé rather than the original focus of what the community needs and how the PCV needs to be to do the most good for the community. Development is hard, and two years feels like a long time, but it's a blip on the timeline for most people. It's hard for me to remember what I learned in class with a teacher I had every single day in a controlled setting. I can't expect people to change for me when 1) I'm basically still a teenager, 2) I only see most of them maybe once a week, and 3) I can just pack up and leave if I want, while they have to live with all the changes and keep them going. It's easy for me to say "go exercise," but if I, who have trained basically my whole life and actually know what I'm doing, can't even make myself work out three times a week, how can I expect my community kids to take on that challenge? I used exercise as an example, but it goes for pretty much all development work too.

One is by my swim coach about having a high opinion of yourself and how that's not necessarily a bad thing. It made me think about the language we use, and that I would think of self-esteem as positive and having a high opinion of myself as negative - a synonym for conceited. So I started googling, and I got to thinking. I also checked wikipedia (because we all do it) and the very first sentence says "self-esteem reflects a person's overall emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self." If that's not having an opinion of oneself, then I don't know what is. Why, then, do the two phrases have such different connotations? If I have high self-esteem then I have a high opinion of myself, right? The problem, then, is that self-esteem connotes something internal, whereas thinking highly of myself connotes myself in opposition to everyone else. If I think highly of myself, I must think others are lower. If I have high self-esteem, I have built myself up - no relation to what everyone else is doing. English is weird. I'd like to think I have a high opinion of myself and I have high self esteem, because if you look at a definition, they are exactly the same thing.

I am absolutely a realist. I know what I can do and what I can't, I also know when I'm being lazy or scared to try something that I actually probably can do. I try not to put others down because it is counterproductive. Especially in a situation like Peace Corps, I really want everyone functioning as their best selves because, to be purely selfish, they will be much more helpful to me. They will complete projects and be able to help me with mine. We will share resources and share stories and enjoy each other's company enough to actually want to work together. The same goes for my counterparts. I despise gossip ("chambre" here) and low self-esteem plagues pretty much everyone, but women in particular. Pena basically sums that up. It means penalty, pain, sorrow, misery, heartache, distress, embarrassment, trouble, labor, forfeit or infliction, depending on the context. It is every Salvadoran's excuse for absolutely anything they don't want to do. "Tengo pena" basically means "I can't." It's an opinion that needs to change, and is really hard (see advice to PCVs above). the most I can do is be the kind of person who thinks highly of myself and encourages others to do the same.

These women are my favorite. They are the staff at La Granjita pupuseria and every time I visit Nuevo Cuscatlan I love them more. Motivated, beautiful women.

The last is a post of quotes from strong women in honor of International Women's Day. I want to live in a world where we are equal and where I can do anything I set my mind to. I want the same for Nayely, who is about to turn 12 and lives in a place that almost exclusively values men, that gives extremely low-quality education, and that has very few economic opportunities. I want her to have dreams further than getting a boyfriend. At least if I achieve nothing in my two years here, hopefully this beautiful family I live with will have a little more knowledge and a couple more dreams.